The night of Tuesday, November 14.

sorry for the lack of diary updates. i have not been feeling the best.

recently, i have been doing some thinking. i want to find something that i enjoy. not something my online reddit friends like, something I like. but it really isnt that easy. nothing is ever that easy. i realize that now. endlessly scrolling through posts is like diving into a limitless hole. no one hears mew. mew try to justify yourself as mew keep falling down, hoping for even a speck of something that actually peaks your intrest. something that will make mew happy, even just for a second. the more mew ponder in this void, the more mew realize that nothing really matters anymore. that is how i feel. nothing really matters to me. and yet, my friends keep saying "im so sorry! i feel you!" ,,, NO, mew do NOT know what this feels like. each breath i take is another cold and sleek knife stabbing into me. my emotionless corpse constantly squelching and spurting shiny candy red blood. i have no purpose.

i have a collection of dirty dishes and energy drink cans in my room. maybe i will clean them up someday. maybe, one day, i will actually leave my room for something other than food. my time on the internet so far has taught me two things. one, it is a great place to meet and talk to friends. two, all good things come with consquences. if mew try to run from the beast, its ever sharp teeth will always catch up.

[toxic. zining off.>

[i. really have. to ztop. zaying mew.>

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